I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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