How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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