And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I supernannyed him into submission
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
