I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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