My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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