I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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