the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
