Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
