I could make wine with my vomit
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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