Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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