Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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