Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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