and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
