Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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