I faked an abortion last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
