I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
