matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
try to milk me bitch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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