wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
