Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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