Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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