its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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