im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
