Small penises have feelings too.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
