I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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