She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Boobs speak an international language.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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