I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want a musical about memes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize