you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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