Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
