it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
