it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
