If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
