I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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