His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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