Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
