is your mom at the bar?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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