If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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