looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
