beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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