i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
