i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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