I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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