so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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