Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
