Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize
