I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
