woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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