Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
