dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
