we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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