If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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