pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
