oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize