If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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