so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
