So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
