well I can't set my house on fire every night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize