Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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