call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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