just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we're so committed to being not committed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
