arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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