oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have aggressive nipples.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
