the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
