Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
