I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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