turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
