my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
