You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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