Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
