Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
