I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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